So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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