OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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