Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i jhust puked up my retainher.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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