I hate all girls vehemently.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
