i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
