Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
