He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
my sisters under your porch take her home
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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