bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
