he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
