The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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