Michael Bay diarrhea
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
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