Need sex. Gaining weight.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
