It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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