I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
