how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
