in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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