she was so not down for the gang bang
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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