I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
