Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I want to be your penis for a week.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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