I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
