So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
