I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
