i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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