She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
