You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
