In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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