I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
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There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
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We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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