I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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