I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
