You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
