I accidentally burped into my bong.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
