your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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