me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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