btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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