Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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