Swine flu. Run for my life!
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
