If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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