and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
