so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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