and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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