she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
