he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I wear drunk well.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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