I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
