The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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