Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
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