I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
