I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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