i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
