I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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