found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
