ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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