i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
