I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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