I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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