Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
