I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Is it because I queefed?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
