my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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