either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
