so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
