This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
