This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
