Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
