Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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