Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
