Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
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Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
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Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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