I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
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Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
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Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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