You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
